Adoption Wednesday: Lemn Sissay: A Child of the state

Hi all,

I know it's been a LONG time but a friend shared this Ted Talk with me and I had to share on this Adoption Wednesday.

I never thought about all the famous figures we have watched and read for many many years who were either adopted, looked after or fostered by people.

"Literature has long been fascinated with fostered, adopted and orphaned children, from Moses to Cinderella to Oliver Twist to Harry Potter. So why do many parentless children feel compelled to hide their pasts? Poet and playwright Lemn Sissay tells his own moving story. This was filmed at TEDxHousesofParliament.

Adoption Wednesday: Pushpa Basnet

Hey Y'all,

I am inspired by Pushpa Basnet.
Ms Basnet is the 2012 CNN Hero of the year. This 28 year old woman rescues children from behind Nepal's prison walls.

According to the CNN Heroes page written by Kathleen Toner; Nepal is one of the poorest countries in the world -- according to UNICEF, 55% of the population lives below the international poverty line -- so it lacks the social safety net that exists in most Western nations. Space is extremely limited in the few children's homes affiliated with the government. So when no local guardian is available, an arrested parent often must choose between bringing their children to jail with them or letting them live on the streets. Nepal's Department of Prison Management estimates 80 children live in the nation's prisons.

At the ripe age of 21, while studying social work in college Basent discovered her calling. As part of her studies, she visited a women’s prison and was disturbed by the dire condition and shocked that children were living behind bars. Instead of simply completing her course and walking away unaffected Basent made a life altering decision. She decided to start a day care to get incarcerated children out from behind the prison walls. She started with five children, picking them up every weekday morning, brought them to her center (which she built from donations from family and friends in Kathmandu); and returned them in the afternoon. According to the report nothing like this had ever been done in Kathmandu and many of the children in her care had NEVER been outside of the prison. Two years after she got started Basnet established the Butterfly Home, a children’s home where she herself currently resides and has for the past five years. She is teaching the children cooking, washing, shopping and educational lessons. The atmosphere feels like an extremely large family, a feeling that's fostered by Basnet, who smothers the children with love. The children reciprocate by calling her "Mamu," which means "Mommy." I am posting this as an Adoption Wednesday post because Basnet has gone above and beyond her call as a humanitarian.

What are you doing to help the children in your community that are less fortunate? This Holiday Season we are fulfilling Winter Wishes through NY Cares. They still need volunteers so please visit their site and agree to take some of their letters. Many of the letters are from children who suffered loss during Super Storm Sandy.

Until next time...
MUAH!

Adoption Wednesday - Transracial or Transcultural Adoption

Hey y'all:

The Carr family of Iowa

Since today is Wednesday I thought I would tackle the issue of trans racial or trans cultural adoption. We know it's happening. In NYC you can walk down the street any given day and see a Caucasian mommy with a beautiful Asian little boy or girl. When you are involved with non domestic adoptions nine times out of ten you are going to adopt a child that is not the same race or culture as you.

To me this is FINE!

There are plenty of questions I'm sure... but I think they are all answerable. If you are a loving person interested in adopting a child in need of a loving family, the race or culture of the child doesn't matter to me! Now that's just me.... There are people who are totally against it just like those who are against interracial relationships!

Although I am all for adopting out of your race or culture I think it is imperative that you are prepared!

• If you don't know how to care for a child with hair unlike yours, please be prepared to send her to a salon or learn how to do her hair like this father.


• If you are adopting a child that speaks a different language be prepared to learn said language and encourage your child to hold on to their biological culture.


• Be prepared to be the 'different' family. Not only does adoption make your child different but if they are of a different race and culture then you, your entire family is different.


• Be willing to integrate. If you live in an area that has one predominate race be sure that you involve yourself with activities outside of that environment. It's important for your child to see people just like them.

Adopting outside of your race or culture is really something that involves a lot of thought! It's not something that you just jump into because you want a child. It's something that you have to discuss with your family and close friends. Make sure it's right for you and your lifestyle. If it is, MrsDeveter says 'GO FOR IT!' There is a little one out there just for you!

Until next time...

MUAH!

Adoption Wednesday: 33,000 Teenagers

Hey Y'all,

This in from the Ad Council...

Today, more than 33,000 teenagers await adoption from the U.S. foster care system. Nearly 50 percent (14,000) are between the ages of 14 and 16. AdoptUSKids continues to remind us that, "You don't have to be perfect to be a perfect parent."

Until next time...
MUAH!

Adoption Wednesday: Wednesday's Child

Hey Y'all,

When I started posting about Adoption and Foster care in 2009 on Wednesday's I didn't realize that meteorologist Janice Huff, hosts a program with Wednesday in the title. Wednesday is the day of the week that some find hopeful by calling it hump day and it's a day for others that could be done without. It's smack dab in the middle of the week and a blockage to the weekend. 

Children who are waiting to be adopted are often forgotten about and ignored. Today I would like to spotlight Wednesday's Child and the Freddie Mac Foundation.

According to NYC.gov In April 1999 the Freddie Mac Foundation teamed up with WNBC 4 and the Administration for Children's Services to bring Wednesday's Child to New York City. Wednesday's Child, an award-winning program with a proven track record of success, began in Washington, D.C. metropolitan area in 1992. Its phenomenal success there encouraged the Freddie Mac Foundation to expand the program to other cities around the country. 

Adoption Wednesday: Cabbage Patch Kids

Hey Y'all:

I just received an email from Babycenter.com that bought back some very fond memories. Do you remember Cabbage Patch Kids?


Unlike Baby Alive or My Very Real Baby which you received when you were 5 or 6 and played the role of Mommy telling people the baby came out of your tummy;  a Cabbage Patch Kid was adopted.

I'm not sure who came up with this very cleaver idea but when I received my first Cabbage Patch Kid at the age of 8 I was already familiar with adoption and I was excited to adopt my very first child just like my mommy. My dolls name was Anita and she was a cute preemie. I loved her with all of my heart and was so happy to make her a part of my family. Adoption has always been a part of my life and I will continue to be an advocate for it as long as I live.

I am looking forward to Leah adopting her first Cabbage Patch Kid. I pray that she falls as much in love with her doll and the gift of adoption as I have.

Until next time...
MUAH!

Adoption Wednesday: November is Adoption Awareness Month

Hey Y'all:

I know it's been awhile since I've posted anything to this section but here I am reminding you that November is National Adoption Month.

This month has been set aside by the U.S. Health & Human Services to raise awareness about the adoption of children and youth from foster care. According to the Administration for Children & Families - This year's initiative focuses on building capacity of adoption professionals to recruit and retain parents for the 107,000 children and youth waiting for permanent families in the U.S. foster care system. 

107,000 is A LOT of children without loving families to call their own. Please spread to word to your family and friends. If you are interested in making a change please check out the following sites for additional information.

Please visit the site to learn more http://www.childwelfare.gov/adoption/nam/

Until next time...
MUAH!

Adoption Wednesday: 4 Reasons Why You Should Adopt

Hey Y'all:

Here is a short list of why I think adoption is necessary.

1. You don't have to be perfect to be a perfect parent
   
2. There are thousands of kids out there waiting for you. According to the Pew Commission on Children in Foster Care Demographics of Children in Foster Care, In 2009, there were about 123,000 children ready for adoptive families in the nations foster care systems. African American children represented 41% of children in foster care, white children represented 40% and Hispanic children represented 15% in the year 2000.
3. Children are a blessing from God and will add to your life
4. Domestic Adoption is needed; charity begins at home

Hope this is additional motivation.

Until next time...
MUAH!

Adoption Wednesday: Alternatives

Hey Y'all:

So everyone isn't cut out to be a parent. Fine. You don't want to adopt and child or even a pet here are some other options to adoption that will help those less fortunate then you and cause you to feel good.

Adopt a Class or a School - People who adopt a class or school provide the additional teaching materials needed in creating the educational foundation some children are missing. Classrooms will be provided with educational materials that range from basic items to wish list items. If you can't find an organization in your area why not start one! I found two online click here and here.

Adopt a Highway - This is perfect for business and services. It helps keep the roads clean and can get you new clients! Why not?

Adopt Wildlife - You can adopt a tiger, sea turtle and even a duck-billed platypus. No, it's not gonna come home with you they are endangered species after all. A Gift to WWF That Helps Where It Matters Most. Show your heart and share your values. Now you can give the special people in your life the pride of knowing they are doing something special for the future.

These are just a few alternatives but the best adoption is to adopt a child. Remember to check out Adoptuskids.

Until next time...
MUAH!

Adoption Wednesday - Vanessa Bennett

Hey Y'all:

Welcome to the latest edition of Adoption Wednesday. Over the next few weeks I'll be featuring a question and answer series with my siblings.

Today you'll be hearing from Vanessa the third child my mother adopted and my first baby sister. Vanessa is the mother of two little boys and is a fabulous dancer. As a young girl she was a member of a Praise Dance group with the rest of my little sisters called "Divine Purpose" she was truly a cut above the rest. When I went to see Alvin Alley perform earlier this year I wished she would have continued dances, she was just that good!

When did you realize that you were adopted and how did it feel knowing that you were?

I realized I was adopted about the age of 7 or 8 yrs old.Truthfully I didn't know how to feel about it.I had a big family & was taken care of & that's all that mattered.

As a mother what is your description of a mother’s love?

In my opinion a mothers love is true devotion,much sacrifice,unselfishness,patience & endless forgiveness.

If you could ask your biological parents one thing what would it be?

I would ask them "Why were they so selfish?". In my case I was left in a hospital with no identification(just abandoned),with strangers to determine my fate/future.Its mind_bottling to me.

Would you ever adopt a child? Why/Why Not?

Of course I would adopt.I feel every child needs love and someone to count on and love them.Just to give someone the opportunity I was granted would be awesome!

If you could grant one wish in the world who would it be to and what would it be?

If I could grant a wish it would be to my MOTHER Marian Bennett,and it would be that for once in her life she didn't have to worry or take care of anyone but herself.Her whole life has been dedicated to her loved ones.I would just make sure she travels and sees everything life really has to offer and what she has to offer the world.I just want to see her satisfy all those personal desires/goals! That would be my ultimate wish!

Thanks Sis for sharing.

Until next time...

MUAH!

Adoption Wednesday: My Baby Sister

Hey Y'all:

For this edition of Adoption Wednesday I'd like to share a brief question and answer I had with my baby sister Tawana Bennett. Tawana is the 8th child adopted into our family. She is a beautiful young woman who is weeks away from welcoming her first child into the world. Her life's dream is to become a nurse.

Our mother was very open with them regarding there adoption and their biological parents. She always let them know who they were and told them that they could have a relationship with their family if they chose to do so.



Hey Little Sis thanks so much for agreeing to this interview with me. As you know I am an advocate for adoption. It’s because of the eight of you guys that I am so passionate about domestic adoption. I want to ask you a few questions and you can be as candid as you like.

When did you realize that you were adopted and how did it feel knowing that you were?
I don't think it was a certain age when I knew. I have always known for as far back as I can remember. I felt happy that I had the family that I did and realized that was the best decision my biological mother could have made.

Now that you are going to be a mother what is your description of a mother’s love?
Unconditional no matter what.

If you could ask your biological parents one thing what would it be?
I would ask them why after all these years you still cant get yourself together and how can you know you have kids and not care enough to do better.

Would you ever adopt a child? Why/Why Not?
Yes I would adopt because a lot of kids come from terrible situations and they deserve a chance to have love and a good home.

If you could grant one wish in the world who would it be to and what would it be?
If I could grant one wish it would be to God and I would ask him to make my (adoptive) mother happy everyday for the rest of her life because she's done a great job as a mother and has made a lot of people happy in her life.

There you have it... stop by next time when another one of my siblings will answer the same questions.

Until next time...
MUAH!

Adoption Wednesday - Adult Adoptees

Hey Y'all:

You know I like to look at the pros and cons of everything. Eventually adopted children become adult adoptees. They are people walking among us who might feel that some part of them is missing. When they go to fill out their medical papers and are asked about their family history most of them have no idea what to write. When they have children they have to explain to them why they don't look like grandma or grandpa or why their cousins don't resemble them at all. It's a difficult balance that has to be weighted when thinking about adoption. You can't just focus on the positive you have to think about the flip side of the issue.

I found a great article on the Child Welfare Information site on Issues Facing Adult Adoptees. Check it out along with all the other documents I've suggested you read if you are considering adoption.

Until next time...
MUAH!

Adoption Wednesday - Older Children

Hey Y'all:

This is a beautiful story..... The Thiel Family




Until next time...
MUAH!

Adoption Wednesday - Aging Out of Foster Care

Hey Y'all:

It's been way to long since I've done an Adoption Wednesday post. I was roaming the web and came across this video on YouTube about children who have been in the foster care system and aged out.

This is why we need people to adopt domestically so kids don't know what it means to "age out!"





Please visit Adoptuskids.org if you are ready.

Until next time...
MUAH!

Adoption Wednesday: Points from a Lady

Hey Y'all:

It's been quite some time since I've posted an Adoption Wednesday post, so here is some food for thought from a very good friend of my Kaeisha O'Neal (she was one of the beautiful people I spotlighted during Black History Month.

-----

Maybe it is the recent birth announcements that have me thinking so much about babies and the meaning of family.

I have to ask: What if every professional/upward mobile/stable family adopted at least one baby. Imagine if just 100,000 strong families (strong in spirit; finances; education and service) just took the time to bring a baby that is not biologically theirs into their lives and raise them like it’s their own. That will be 100,000 more positive advanced people in our world. The impact will be tremendous.

These days the “look” of not all your children being your own is long gone. Who cares? With all the issues in the world this is a drop in the bucket. Its 2010 not 1910.

This may be a bad metaphor but as rapper Redman said “It’s time for some action.” Talking about making the world better isn’t good enough…we need to be aggressive. You remember the cheer (B-E A-G-G-R-E-S-S-I-V-E)?

Let’s get to work people.

Just my 2 cents.

Get busy people!

Until next time...
MUAH!

Adoption Wednesday: Another Alternative

Hey Y'all:

I know it's been quite some time since I've posted an Adoption Wednesday post and I do apologize. I was going through a little something with my family and wasn't feeling to good about talking adoption, since I was pretty much told I've been a bad adoptive sister. None the less I'm still an advocate but want to share something a little different today.

If you are unable to adopt a child how about a pet?
A very dear friend of mine had to put her life long family pet Shadow, down earlier this year. Shadow was 15 years old and was a rescue puppy. My friend is now looking to adopt a new pet. After intense searching she found a few great websites that helped her in her search. She's still waiting for approval but she'll soon have a beautiful dogie (that's what Myles calls them) to call her own.

If you are considering the addition of a pet to your family please think about adopting instead of buying a really expensive pet from the pet store or breeder. There are domestic animals out there who need your love.

Here are a few good sites to aide you with your search.
Adopt A Pet
PetFinder
Humane Society
ASPCA

Until next time...
MUAH!

Adoption Wednesday - The Babies In Haiti

Hey Y'all:

I know I am always talking about domestic adoption but with the earthquake in Haiti I began to think about all the children who are going to be without families. Just looking at the pictures of the littlest victims makes me so sad.

So I did what I do best and that's search the web for information on these little ones. Here's the skinny. As is typical adoption is DIFFICULT to say the least but the adoption of children who a affected by a natural disaster is even more difficult. You see there is no way to prove that the children are actually orphaned. Especially if they are small and cannot communicate. It could be that a child was living at home in Haiti with their grandparents or another family member while there parents went to another country (typically the US) for a better life and were going to send for their child when there finances allowed. In this case the child cannot be put up for adoption but if there is no proof that the child is without family - well you know the rest.

Now specifically for Haiti and the babies that were affected on January 12th it's even worse.... according to InterCountry Adoption Office of Children's Issues U.S. Department of State

Haitian law does not allow for a Haitian child to travel to the United States to be adopted. Therefore, prospective adoptive parents must obtain a full and final adoption under Haitian law before the child can immigrate to the United States. Prospective adoptive parents can expect a lengthy process to adopt a child in Haiti. 

Furthermore specific to the Earthquake...

During times of crisis, it can also be exceptionally difficult to fulfill the legal requirements for adoption of both the U.S. and the child's country of origin.  This is especially true when civil authority breaks down or temporarily ceases to function.   It can also be difficult to gather documents necessary to fulfill the legal requirements of U.S. immigration law.  There are many ways in which U.S. citizens can help the children in areas of natural disaster or conflict.  For example, individuals who wish to assist can make a financial contribution to a reputable relief or humanitarian organization working in that country.  

At this time it is important that we donate to the humanitarian organizations that work in the country and most importantly PRAY for the babies.

Here are three reputable organizations.

Save the Children

Habitat for Humanity

UNICEF

Until next time...

MUAH!

Adoption Wednesday: When they grow up!

Hey Y'all:

I was hit with something a couple days ago that kinda saddened me. I know that most of my adoption blogs have been pretty positive. I am still an advocate for adoption but I want to be very clear and paint a true picture of adoption -- after the children are grown.

I checked my Facebook page and saw a message from one of my brothers where not only did he say that the rest of us siblings didn't exist in his life just our mother counted, but he changed his name back to his birth name and specifically called me out.  In his status update he asked me when was the last time that I told him I loved him. I thought I did on our shared birthday, maybe not. I thought I showed my love through conversations of encouragement and my wish to help him (but you can only help those who help themselves) I thought I showed him my love by not asking my mother to make him leave her house after some unsavory activity, I thought love was shown when my husband hired him for some web stuff... but I guess that's not love.

Sometimes no matter how much you love your children both biological and adopted they may not grow up to be who you want them to be. I heard a preacher say that we have to love people for who they are, not for who you want them to be. I also heard my kids great grandmother often say "you can't make a calabash a pumpkin" meaning just because they are in the same family you can't change them to be the other. So just because you raise a child doesn't mean that they will be who you think they should be or even who you raised them to be.

All of my mother's children are adults. Two of us are married with children and living on our own, one is a dad but still lives at home with mom,  one has two children and is living a lifestyle that we didn't dream she would pursue but she's happy and that's all that matters,  one is 'missing', one is a drifter and another is in college, one just graduated HS and isn't sure what she wants to do with her life and the 'baby' is still in HS but getting in trouble for little things here and there. To date that's the Bennett Crew. It's not what I foresaw when my mother asked me child after child if they could come live with us.  I dreamed of all of us being successful individuals. I dreamed that my mom would be cruising around the world, traveling to play with her grand children at our expense. I thought that by this stage in all of our lives she would have to want for nothing. Unfortunately that's not the current case. However I am hopeful that what the Proverb says is true -- "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." We are old but not dead so hopefully we will find our way back to how we were trained.

To the brother who prompted this post... I love you and mentioned it in this Bennett Family blog! I always have loved you and always will, regardless of your name change you are who God made you whether it's Bennett or not. You are and will forever be MY BROTHER!

Until next time...
MUAH!

Adoption Wednesday: The Mom Factor

Hey Y'all:

This Christmas Miss Leah received her first baby doll and carriage. Her dad stared at her in awe because he couldn't believe that his 20 month old daughter knew what to do with a baby doll. Is it just maternal instinct he kept asking me? Of course it is I told him, mommy's just know how to handle their babies! Even at 20 months old. Leah's doll says, mama, papa, bye bye, it snores and it cries. The boys are typical boys! Erick wants to play football with the doll and Myles wants to sit in the carriage.

If Leah is not near her doll and hears her make noise, she immediately stops what she's doing and goes to find out what's going on. The cutest thing is watching her console her doll! She's a little mama and it's too cute.

Watching my little girl with her doll made me think of all the women out there who are childless, going through every procedure known to man to conceive. Although I know first hand how it feels to want an child and not be able to have one, I want you to know that there is an alternative.

Adoption Wednesday - How to Tell Your Child...

Hey Y'all:

Now that you've decided to adopt a child, how do you explain to said little one who was adopted as an infant that they are not biologically yours? When you welcome an older child into your home this isn't an issue, most times they know their history and who their biological family members are. What about the little baby you bring home from the agency who is days, weeks or months old? What happens when they discover they don't look like you? How do you explain to them that you wanted a child and went on a search for them.

Well folks there's an app for that (hehehehe just kidding.) There are tons of books out there to help you have this discussion. The one bit of advice I will give is to make sure you are honest from the start. Don't keep the truth hidden until something happens (child needs blood and neither parents are a match, or there are other issues that need to be explained but since you haven't told your child the truth the issue is not properly diagnoised.)

Here is MrsDeveter's top 5 list of books on the topic!

1. I Wished for You: an Adoption Story by Marianne R Richmond


2. Talking with Young Children about Adoption by Ms. Mary Watkins


3. Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search for Self by David M. Brodzinsky, Marshall D. Schecter and Robin Marantz Henig


4. Family Matters: Secrecy and Disclosure in the History of Adoption by E. Wayne Carp


5. Adoption Is for Always by Linda Walvoord Girard

My mother was very open with my brothers and sisters regarding their family history. She was instumental (to a fault at times) in making sure my siblings knew their biological familes. For those who did not know their family, Mommy has been known to write letters to Montel Williams and have me send a note to the guy on WE TV, Troy Dunn to ask his help in finding their birth family. We haven't had any luck with TV but with the advances we now have in technology I'm sure we are going to find them all; it's just a matter of time.

Well until next time...

MUAH!