She's Back...

Hey Y'all:

Sorry I've been MIA but my brain was in need of a break! I'm back and have plenty to share.

Last night by beautiful big boy kissed me every so gently on my cheek and then my arm and said "Mommy I love you. You are my girlfriend."
"I love you to but I'm not your girlfriend, I'm your mommy" I replied
"You can be my Mommy and girlfriend" he said
"No, I can only be your Mommy because I'm Daddy's wife " I reasoned. "I love you very much because you are my son but I can't be your girlfriend"

He didn't say much about it after that response but it got me to thinking. Mother's are a sons first love. His relationship with any women will be defined by the relationship he has with his mother. If Mommy is affectionate and loving toward her son she's teaching him how a woman should treat him. If she is rough and unyielding, that is what he will come to expect out of relationships with other women.

I pray that Erick and Myles will continue to think of me as their 'girlfriend' that way I won't have to 'dress down' the little girls they bring home for me to meet in the near future. I'll be the only example they'll ever have of a woman; giving them ability to know exactly what they want, need and deserve in a woman. A woman like me!

Until next time...
MUAH!

Texting Mom...

Hey y'all:

Sorry I've been so sparse in posts. I've been a busy little woman! Planning and executing my Mother In Laws 60th Birthday, the twins 2nd, my Mom and sisters birthday and Easter all within the same weekend caused me not to have any energy to write a thing!

Thankfully I've found some time to tell you this sweet little tidbit. My 64 year old mother has figured out how to text message and I love it!

My mom lives in N.C. now after being a New Yorker for 60 some years. Now that she is so far away from us we don't get to see one another all the time. We speak every night but now I receive cute little texts from her in the morning and throughout the day.

I love that she has figured out how to use this technology and is now looking forward to learning the computer. Lord help us all if Marian Bennett gets on Twitter or Facebook! She'll end up with more followers then me.

Until next time...

MUAH!

The Nana Effect

Hey Y'all:

My oldest son Erick is in love with my mother. From the day he was born he has looked at her like she was something good to eat. It didn't help any when she introduced him to his first taste of sweet potato, which she of course shared on her finger.

At five years old he still loves her just as intensely and shows it whenever she comes to visit us from N.C. and heads back home. I share this because we had a bit of a Nana episode the other night.

I was sitting on my bed and reached out for my boy. He came and I gave him a great big hug (I was having a mommy moment) during the hug I said, "ohhhhhhhhhhhh I love my Erick," my precious boy says "ohhhhhhhhhh I love my nana." Of course I was outraged, hurt, confused and a little sad. Here I was having a mommy moment, expressing my love for him verbally and this little ball of testosterone says "I love my nana" this gave me flashbacks of our 'private time' day when he told me that he loves his daddy 12 and me 5! I just can't win.

Why can't I get the same love???? I know he loves me but I guess it's not the same as Nana love. I really have to get over it. Maybe when he turns 15 I won't feel so bad when he loves some little chippy over me and his nana?

What have your children said that has hurt, offended or floored you?

Until next time...
MUAH!

Top 10 Reasons Why... I Love Being a Mommy

Hey Y'all:

I am feeling kinda nostalgic today. I found a baby picture of my almost 2 year old twins and just about cried. Have you ever looked at an old picture, heard an old song or even watched an old movie that took you back to the moment it happened?

When I looked at the picture of the twins at six weeks old I was instantly taken back to the moment when I was told I was pregnant. I remembered how it felt carrying two babies. Now they are walking, talking, communicating little people and it amazes me everyday. Then I look at my 5 year old and I do cry. I can’t believe that just 5 years ago my prayers were answered, and now I have a super smart, active 5 year old that is going to have a huge impact on the world! When I got home last night and found out that he's the Student of the Month at his school, wher they will have a special ceremony at the PTA meeting next week where he'll receive an award!
I knew I would do this post.

Parenthood can be a struggle at time but I wouldn’t trade being a Mommy for anything in this world. Since it's Thursday here is a top 10 list of why I love being a Mommy

10. There is just something special about being responsible for the lives of future teachers, preachers, doctors, lawyers, conductors etc...

9. My children push me to go beyond who I think I should be. They make me better. I'm conscious of what I say and do because I know someone is watching me besides God.

8. They love me unconditionally. I remember one time I reprimanded Erick for something I thought he did. Turned out that he was innocent; even in my faults he loved me and accepted my apology for falsely accusing him. He didn't hold a grudge against me!

7. Children are honest to a fault and because of this I know where I stand with them at all times.

6. I see what my mother saw when she looked at me growing up. HERSELF

5. Children are a gift from the LORD; they are a reward from him. Psalm 127:3

4. There is nothing better then hearing "I love you" from the mouth of babes

3. They are the living breathing proof of my loving marriage

2. I get to be just like my Mom. Loving, nurturing, caring, kind and patient

The #1 reason why I love being a mommy is because that is who God made me. It was my destiny to become a Mother. Even though my physical body was unable for quite some child to hold a child full term; I never lost hope that I would eventually be someones mom.

I've always been the mother figure, from childhood through HS and in College I've always been the one to mother folks. So having my own children gives me carte blanche to be the best Mother I could ever dream of.

Erick, Leah and Myles Mommy loves you from the bottom of her heart.

Until next time...

MUAH!

Adoption Wednesday: The Mom Factor

Hey Y'all:

This Christmas Miss Leah received her first baby doll and carriage. Her dad stared at her in awe because he couldn't believe that his 20 month old daughter knew what to do with a baby doll. Is it just maternal instinct he kept asking me? Of course it is I told him, mommy's just know how to handle their babies! Even at 20 months old. Leah's doll says, mama, papa, bye bye, it snores and it cries. The boys are typical boys! Erick wants to play football with the doll and Myles wants to sit in the carriage.

If Leah is not near her doll and hears her make noise, she immediately stops what she's doing and goes to find out what's going on. The cutest thing is watching her console her doll! She's a little mama and it's too cute.

Watching my little girl with her doll made me think of all the women out there who are childless, going through every procedure known to man to conceive. Although I know first hand how it feels to want an child and not be able to have one, I want you to know that there is an alternative.

Adoption Wednesday - How to Tell Your Child...

Hey Y'all:

Now that you've decided to adopt a child, how do you explain to said little one who was adopted as an infant that they are not biologically yours? When you welcome an older child into your home this isn't an issue, most times they know their history and who their biological family members are. What about the little baby you bring home from the agency who is days, weeks or months old? What happens when they discover they don't look like you? How do you explain to them that you wanted a child and went on a search for them.

Well folks there's an app for that (hehehehe just kidding.) There are tons of books out there to help you have this discussion. The one bit of advice I will give is to make sure you are honest from the start. Don't keep the truth hidden until something happens (child needs blood and neither parents are a match, or there are other issues that need to be explained but since you haven't told your child the truth the issue is not properly diagnoised.)

Here is MrsDeveter's top 5 list of books on the topic!

1. I Wished for You: an Adoption Story by Marianne R Richmond


2. Talking with Young Children about Adoption by Ms. Mary Watkins


3. Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search for Self by David M. Brodzinsky, Marshall D. Schecter and Robin Marantz Henig


4. Family Matters: Secrecy and Disclosure in the History of Adoption by E. Wayne Carp


5. Adoption Is for Always by Linda Walvoord Girard

My mother was very open with my brothers and sisters regarding their family history. She was instumental (to a fault at times) in making sure my siblings knew their biological familes. For those who did not know their family, Mommy has been known to write letters to Montel Williams and have me send a note to the guy on WE TV, Troy Dunn to ask his help in finding their birth family. We haven't had any luck with TV but with the advances we now have in technology I'm sure we are going to find them all; it's just a matter of time.

Well until next time...

MUAH!

Happy Birthday Erick

Hey Y'all:

Today is Erick's 5th Birthday! This past weekend we celebrated with a costume party (hence the Buzz Lightyear costume) I can't believe that five short years ago I gave birth to a beautiful little baby boy. He's grown up so much and is so smart and self assured.

Here is something I wrote on MySpace about him when he was three thought it fitting to share today...

My big boy... Current mood: thoughtful
He used to be so small. Needed me to carry, feed, dress and change him. But a transformation happened. There was a time when he couldn't speak for himself now he can. He couldn't say he wanted milk or to play or even that he wanted to cuddle but now, now he tells me when he's thirsty and says exactly what he wants. The other day he actually poured himself a cup of orange juice. I don't know if I'm supposed to be happy that my baby is now a boy or if I'm allowed to be sad just for a little while, because my baby is now a BOY!

He doesn't have that powder fresh baby smell anymore but instead smells like a little man full of testosterone. Soon he'll be off to school (pre-k but school just the same) and not want to hug, kiss or cuddle with me. What then will I do?
He's growing into a well spoken articulate little person with personality for days. He has his own beautiful mind. He's three and has a favorite number, it's the number 1 and he hasn't changed his mind about it in two weeks. Next he'll have a favorite color then a favorite class and eventually I won't be his favorite girl!
Oh my, my little baby isn't a baby anymore! The child that I prayed for, begged God for is a walking, talking, singing, healthy beautiful little boy and man do I love him. Noggin all day and all, he is my inspiration.

He carries my heart with him and doesn't even know it or care for that matter. He will always be my baby my 1 gift from God. A blessing from my womb that was promised to me. He will be a powerful human being he will bring light and love into this world. He will live a life full of joy and accomplishment and most importantly he will be a man after God's own heart. He will love the people of God unconditionally, he will empower those who are powerless, and he will develop ideas for his generation that will change lives. Not because I say so but because it is the will of God for his life. He will live a life fully committed and dedicated to God. He will be a servant and he'll be used of God as an honest upright man come what may!
He will be Erick Jeremiah Brown; Doctor, Teacher, Preacher, Lawyer, Musician, Master Builder, Train Operator etc.... whatever he wants to be he'll be and he'll be it to the glory and honor of God.
My baby is a boy who will grow into a beautiful man, just like his Dad!

Happy Birthday Erick! Mommy loves you.

Until next time...

MUAH!

Adoption Wednesday - A Conversation with Marian Bennett

Hey Y'all:

Finally took out some time to interview my Mom and get her answers to why she decided to become a Foster and Adoptive Mother.

Now that your youngest child just turned 18 I thought I would pick your brain. Hope you have a little while for some questions that I can share with folks on my blog. I know this has been a journey for you and I think more people need to know about domestic adoption.

Why did you become a foster/adoptive parent?
I became a foster parent because I thought I could make a difference in the lives of children who need it.

How many children did you foster before you adopted a child?
Six children and it was hard to let them go. That's the thing about foster care you aren't guaranteed to keep the child(ren). One child that I had to let go really hurt. She was a part of our family and doing so well with us. It was really hard to send her back to her family. I think of her often and wonder how big she is now.

What was the transition like from foster to adoptive parent?

The transition wasn't difficult because the family of children I adopted were in my care for three years. What was hard was the waiting period. Parents have rights. So we had to wait until the parents rights and those of any family members were terminated. Once that was done we went to family court, when the judge had us say our "I do's" it was like a weight was lifted. They were now mine!

Would you suggest foster/adoptive parenting to those you love?

Yes. I am actually responsible for my niece and sister adopting four children, church members have become foster/adoptive parents because of me and I would do it all over again.

Hope this "interview" helped and has motivated you to take action. If you have room in your home and your heart think about foster care!

Until next time...

MUAH!

Teenagers! I'm so not ready!

Hey Y'all:

My mom and I have a wonderful relationship and always have. I consider her my best friend. We speak multiple times a day giving and receiving advice, encouragement and of course a good belly laugh.

Today at my dentist appointment I was told that a friends 13 year old daughter ran away from home. Her mom and other family members spotted her but she took off running when she saw her mother! Not sure what the whole story is but it really tore at my heart.

Then I get on the train to go home and happen upon a conversation with two young ladies (high school seniors) I use the term young ladies loosely because these girls sounded like drunk sailors the way they were cursing! One of the girls was speaking (rather loudly) about her mother. Apparently she was caught jumping the turnstile and her mom wouldn't pay her ticket. She was speaking very poorly about her mother and used this line "I'm grown, what she gonna do beat me?" I nearly said something as I heard her utter those words! She's grown yet she needs her mom to pay her ticket, her senior dues and buy her graduation stuff (yes I know all of this based on the 20 min train ride) but yet she is disrespecting her mom with this conversation.

Grown? I'm a 35 year old married woman with three children and to Marian Bennett I will NEVER be grown! Leah is 20 months old and I pray everyday that we'll have the same close relationship that my mom and I have. But, what do I do when my baby girl becomes a teen and I'm her mortal enemy? How will I cope?

Any of you have teens? How do you do it?

Until next time...

MUAH!

My Mommy....

Hey Y'all:

I'm so excited!

My mother is coming into town for Thanksgiving! My mom is my best friend (next to my husband of course) we speak on the phone EVERY day and have so much in common. When she decided to move to NC two years ago I was heart broken. She's getting up in age and wanted a slower pace then NY. I totally understood but it's heard not being able to see her when ever I want.

She'll be here tomorrow! I can't wait to hug her and sit and talk, watch my kids love on her and get my cooking course as she stuffs the turkey. My mother is patient, kind and loving. She is the mother of eight and mastered loving each of her children individually. When I grow up I want to be just like her!

I want to teach my children to be outstanding citizens, and the importance of being honest and loyal. I want to honor God with my life and proclaim His goodness to all that will hear. I want to be like Marian Bennett...

I'm counting down until tomorrow evening! My Mommy will be in town!

Until next time...

MUAH!

In the Movies: "Precious Based on the Novel by Sapphire"

Hey Y’all:

I went to the movies last night! I know I know…. how did I pull that off? My beautiful husband give me the night off (well not really when I got home Erick still hadn’t done his homework; please don’t ask me what time this was). Any who I went to see the movie Precious Based on the Novel by Saphire, It was truly moving and I planned to do a post on it anyway but was promted to go ahead and write it after I ran across this forum post question in BlackPlanet…

Precious and Black Motherhood

I am wondering if anyone here will see this film Precious or not? If you plan to see the film, do you worry about how the themes of race and motherhood are depicted?
Do you believe that films help to shape racial perceptions and attitudes, if so, how? If not, why not?
If Michelle Obama, an ivy educated loving wife and mother, is the most visible black woman in the world, what do you think this film suggests about black women and motherhood, if anything at all?
Is the movie industry responsible for shaping policy?
What expectations do you have for this film?

After reading this I just knew I had to respond especially when I saw this persons comment:

I won't lie, sappy after school movies like Precious isn't a must see for me -- although the movie American Violet pulled on some heart strings I didn't anticipate....But just like you I am concern how any media portrays black outside of the positive....Now, granted, there's various perspective of blacks from the exceptionally talented millionaires to the downtrodden existence of our poor....Yet I'm also concern one aspect of our community gets showcase more so than another....Or, even worst, movies that dramatize an issue effecting black of which only a white person can solve

Here's my response:

I went to see this movie last night, it was incredible and deserves every award and accolade it receives. Mo'Nique played an excellent part and should most certainly be awarded something; if not an Oscar she deserves something! Precious was NOT a 'sappy after school' movie and it wasn't just about black motherhood. It was about the lack of love and belonging, it was about abuse and illiteracy it was about self esteem and the lack there of. It could have been about me!

I ran across this book one day while browsing for a good read at the library. After reading the back cover I was shocked to discover this book was supposed to be a young adult title. Once I began reading it I was so jarred by all the topics that were discussed and angered by the abuse that all of the girls endured. It pulled at every single heart string I have as a Mother and woman. The story of Precious is the story of so many little girls regardless of their ethnic background! It reminds me very much of the book Bastard Out of Carolina which depicted a very similar circumstance involving a little white girl. Her sigma wasn’t that she was obese or ugly but that she was "ILLEGITIMATE", born to a 15 year old mother living with extended family in a poor part of town. This little girl was sexually abused by her step father repeatedly. Her mother didn’t leave him… even after catching him raping her daughter. Precious is also reminiscent of The Color Purple, especially the illustration of incest, abandonment, poverty, addiction and illiteracy. These all the things that we as African Americans or Blacks (which ever you prefer) want to keep in the laundry bag for fear of being exposed.

Why is it that when a topic we all know is going on in our community comes up we clam up? Why can’t we raise our hands and say yes I suffered incest, or my mother can’t read and even I was addicted etc. Instead of applauding those who publicize these topics we brow beat them. We say they are doing it just for the money, and they are airing our ‘dirty laundry’. I applaud Lee Daniels and his team for getting this story on the big screen.

Did I go in y’all? Have you seen the movie yet?

Well until next time…

MUAH!

Top 10 Reasons Why...

Hey y'all!



Today begins my top 10 list of Reasons Why... This list will range from Top 10 reasons why I love writing to the top 10 reasons why I hate the MTA! I'm sure you'll get a chuckle. Be sure to leave your top 10 list!

Top 10 Reasons Why...

I love being a Mom

1. Erick, Leah and Myles give me a reason to be a better person


2. They make me smile when I really want to cry


3. They remind me of the love I have for my husband


4. I get to say "Because I said so"


5. I can use them as an excuse to leave early (you know leave work early or an outting with people I really don't like) I love using the line "Well you know I have to get home to the kids"


6. They are living examples of my creativitiy


7. They prove God answers prayer


8. I get to call my mom and thank her for putting up with 9 of us. I totally 'get' her now!


9. Hearing mom, mommy or mama is like music to my ears


10. I get to play and watch kids movies that I really love without having to make an excuse

Don't forget to leave your list.

Until next time.

MUAH!