Thursday, June 23, 2011

(Un) Resolved Daddy Issues...

Hey Y'all:

This past Father's Day weekend I started to write this post and got ... well stuck. Wasn't sure where I as headed but think I still need to post this just for the sake of 'getting it out there".
I know there are going to be many beautiful Father's Day posts out there featuring dads and their kiddies and of course I could contribute because my husband is the best dad in the world! Check out why I say that here. This post however is not about my husband but my father.

I am the product of an adulteress union (dad was married, mom was the mistress) I didn't grow up in a household with my father. I know him and do have a relationship with him but it's not what my daughter is fortunate enough to have with her dad. I love my father, but for a very long time I had unresolved Daddy issues. I was very mad at him. I was mad because he (in my opinion) ruined my mother's life. I felt because she was involved with him, she didn't have the life she so deserved. She was never married and has lived her life for her children.

Don't get me wrong I was equally upset with her for a while also. When I became an adult I understood why she was so hard on me about certain things especially revolving around relationships and today I'm grateful for all the lessons she passed down.

But back to my Daddy issues. My mom used to say he treated us like 'second class citizens' I guess meaning that his family with his wife was more of a priority to him then we were; which in all actuality they were. As a married woman I don't know what I would do if my husband had a family on the side. I have no idea how his wife handled a cheating man (I am  not the only illegitimate child he fathered) My mom used to say (when she finally broke up with him) that she was saving his wife from 'wear and tear' kinda rank right? I know. So my issues with my dad have been long going. My dad didn't walk me down the aisle for my wedding because he had something more pressing to handle with his elderly aunt. I still tear up when I look at my wedding pictures and he's not in any of them.

I wish I could pick up the phone and call my dad just to hear his voice; to hear him tell me that he loves me and is proud of me. When I do speak to my dad our conversations are always surface level. We never talk about the real stuff -- like how we really need a second car, new house and some financial relief. We just talk about the weather wherever he is and his health. He asks about the kids but doesn't know that Erick thinks he's Superman, Myles walks around  calling himself Buzz and Leah wants to be a ballerina. All things I'm sure he knows in detail about his 'real' family.

I guess my Daddy issues aren't resolved. Whenever I see him I never talk about the fact that I would love to meet my biological nieces and nephews. We never talk how I would be informed if he fell ill or died. 

Daddy issues are real. I am so thankful that my children will NEVER experience them.  

During father's day I can only reflect upon my husband, uncle and brother in law who are all TERRIFIC fathers. They are selfless when it comes to their children and often even as a grown woman I wish I had that.

Hope you had a WONDERFUL Father's Day with the Dad's in your life. I had a good day but didn't speak to my Dad. Guess I'll finally drop the card in the mail and hope to hear from him sometime this summer.

Until next time...

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Twin Tuesday: Fixin' It

Hey Folks:

My daughter has a head full of beautiful locks.
I love putting cute braids, beads, barrettes and bows in it.
It takes a while to do but it's always a joy.
I love doing her hair so I'm sure you could image the horror when she came home yesterday and I found her like this...

When she walked into the house the first thing I noticed was her hair or rather the lack thereof! Here's how the brief conversation went.

Me: Mama what happened to your hair????
Me: WHAT??? Myles why did you cut your sister's hair???
Myles: I was fixing it!
Me: Leah were is your hair?

She goes to her room and pulls her two locks (with beads still attached) out of her dresser draw and presents them to me!

I am floored y'all, I cannot believe:
  1. That he cut her hair
  2. He had scissors that close to her face
  3. She let him! 
As sassy and self assured as she is; how in the world did she allow him to do this to her beautiful locks. Who told him that her hair needed fixing and WHERE THE HECK WAS THEIR DAD????
I am  not sure how long it will take her hair to grow back and I don't know how long it will take me to get over this loss.
Who has a 3 yr old with bangs?

This is truly the life of a twin mom! I love them but Lord knows they cause me to pause! Often.

Here is a picture of her full head of hair pre Myles the barber!

How would you handle this situation? I yelled at everyone (husband included), called my mother and told on them and almost cried.

Until next time...


Hey folks:

I am a little late  posting this pledge since the unofficial start of the Summer is just about a month in the past. I couldn't let the official first day of summer pass without posting the open toed shoe pledge! Ladies get your feet right before you put on those $2.50 Old Navy Flip Flops or $3,000 Louboutin platform sandals!

*please raise your right hand and say the following*

I promise to always wear sandals that fit. My toes will not hang over and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs. And the sides and tops of my feet will not pudge out between the straps.

I will go polish-free or vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and chip-free. I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe.

I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow.

I will shave the hairs off my big toe.

I won't wear pantyhose even if my misinformed girlfriend, coworker, mother, sister tells me the toe seam really will stay under my toes if I tuck it there.

If a strap breaks, I won't duct-tape, pin, glue or tuck it back into place hoping it will stay put. I will get my shoe fixed or toss it.

I will not live in corn denial; rather I will lean on my good friend Dr.. Scholl's if my feet need him.

I will resist the urge to buy jelly shoes at Payless for the low, low price of $4.99 even if my feet are small enough to fit into the kids' sizes. This is out of concern for my safety, and the safety of others. No one can walk properly when standing in a pool of sweat and I would hate to take someone down with me as I fall and break my ankle.

I will take my toe ring off toward the end of the day if my toes swell and begin to look like Vienna sausages.

I will be brutally honest with my girlfriend/sister/coworker when she asks me if her feet are too ugly to wear sandals. Someone has to tell her that her toes are as long as my fingers and no sandal makes creepy feet look good.

I will promise if I wear flip flops that I will ensure that they actually flip and flop, making the correct noise while walking and I will swear NOT to slide or drag my feet while wearing them.

I will promise to go to my local nail salon at least once per season and have a real pedicure

I will promise to throw away any white/off-white sandals that show signs of wear...

Ladies if you have taken this pledge, please sign your name in the comment section.

By signing this pledge, you are acknowledging that you will abide by all the guidelines set forth above, and will abruptly let a woman know if she is in violation. Let's keep this Summer crusty feet free!! Not only with the fellas appreciate it, but those of us that do take care of our feet will too.


Until next time...

Monday, June 13, 2011

Love & Marriage...

Hey Folks:

When I arrived home a few nights ago I happened upon my husband and our Sr. Landlord outside holding a very in dept conversation. My landlords wife of 42 years passed away less than 3 months ago, he was sitting on the stairs expressing to my husband how much he misses his life partner. He shared what they met when they were 14 and 16 years old and married 2 years later when they were 16 and 18. She was to young to consent on her own so at 16 yrs old her mom agreed to let her marry.

The couple was married for 42 years until her sudden death; one Saturday morning after asking what he would like her to prepare for breakfast. He declined the meal, she stepped into the hallway fell down and was gone! Her last spoken words to her husband, life partner, father of her children and best friend were those of servitude.

As he recanted this very sad story of loss I could only think of the lifetime I pray to spend with my husband. I can only pray that after 42 years of marriage we are still able to be selfless until death do us part.With all the false and negative images we see depicted of marriage these days I'm always looking for positive images of marriage (especially Black mmarriages) listening to my landlord I was inspired to continue building my relationship. I pledge to create an even stronger bond with my husband. I want him to know that without a doubt our family is the most important part of who I am. I'm able to live a successful life because I have him in it.

I never want there to be any doubt about my love, admeration and dedication to him. In my opinion the most powerful words of the wedding vows are "until death us do part".

Until next time...

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Reborn Baby Dolls

Hey Folks:
A friend and I were looking at pictures of the twins when they were babies; reminiscing about how cute and cuddly they were at the early stages of their lives. While looking at one of the photo's my friend said that I should get a doll made based on a picture of Leah. Of course we were saying this in jest but being the curious woman that I am I googled 'life dolls' and low and behold I found an article that linked to a YouTube BBC Documentary about Reborn Baby Dolls.

According to Wikipedia -
A reborn doll is a manufactured vinyl play doll that has been transformed to resemble a human baby with as much realism as possible. The process of creating a reborn doll is referred to as reborning and the doll artists are referred to as reborners. Reborn dolls are also known as living dolls or unliving dolls.

So.... what do you think super odd, or really cool?

Yes... this is the type of post that I choose to come back with :-)

Until next time...